yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
