I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
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