Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
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Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
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