One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
what the fuck happened to the tacos
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
