I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Do you remember whose house we're in?
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
