I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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