The best revenge is premature balding
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You took a bar mat shot.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize