lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
