It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
