We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
