y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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