still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
