I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
