i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
