ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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