A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
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