I will die if light touches me.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
