alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I am spending my child support on dildos
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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