She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
