so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
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