his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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