I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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