I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
