why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
