Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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