just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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