I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
