Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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