look no pants
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Randomize
