Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
