I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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