1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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