NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
We got so high we made milksteak
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Randomize
