her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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