yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
