Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Randomize
