It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Randomize
