and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize
