I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
