I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
All I want is dick and wine.
Randomize
