I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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