I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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