i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Help. Why am I so naked?
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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