need another drink. this is the easiest way
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Michael Bay diarrhea
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
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