Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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