You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
