Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize