Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Ketchup is God's man juice
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
