Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
