WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
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Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
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SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
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