Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
