Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
