i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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