Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
