Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
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