the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
