i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
