Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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