dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
