you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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