Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
