There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
