ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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