id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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