I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
