If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
