I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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