She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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