Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
How naked do you want me to be?
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