He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
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Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
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I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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