i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
