I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
