Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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